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Submitted on
February 3, 2011


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So you've got a troll. Congratulations!! Once you've properly bonded with your troll, you may wonder:
  • How do I care for my troll?
  • Can my troll learn good manners?
  • What should I feed my troll?
Well, don't worry! These and other questions about enjoying your new troll will be answered in this article. Read on!

:icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz:

What's a Troll?

A troll is a small, brutish creature with a loud, piercing howl. They tend to be found mostly around forums and some chatrooms, but they've been spotted all over deviantART.

Contrary to popular belief, the troll is not an entirely aggressive species. When properly fed and socialized, most trolls are docile, fragile beings as long as they aren't overfed or startled.

Trolls tend to vary in size and stature, but one can usually spot a troll by a few identifying features. First, trolls are generally pale creatures with cramped fingers, which are often seen clenched up into little fists from hours of furious typing. Also note that the troll's teeth are dull, and their claws are typically benign.

The troll's aggressive reputation comes from it's ability to spout an acrid flaming venom, sometimes painful enough to send the troll's prey running away in tears. Though your troll's flaming venom can be potentially painful, it's generally harmless in small doses.

It is also important to note for the health of your troll that most trolls are terribly sensitive to light. It's best to gradually introduce your troll to sunshine. Too much light at once can provoke a troll to attack or run away. A few, more intelligent trolls may be receptive to your light, which is a good sign that a troll may be ready for advanced socialization from you.

:icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz:

Troll Feeding & Dietary Needs

It was once believed that a troll's diet consisted mainly of attention, but one should not forget that the troll will also seek out your frustration and annoyance for nourishment.

In truth, the proper portion of attention isn't bad for a troll, but feeding a troll with your irritation may result in aggression from your troll. Trolls have a naturally dull sense of humor, which is how they digest their meals. Feeding frustration to your troll will upset the troll's soft belly, and it could produce negative results. Don't give in no matter how much a troll begs for your frustration. Instead, always approach your troll with *calm, assertive energy.

Understand that your troll gets its nourishment from the surrounding environment. Small, snack-sized portions of attention should be used only as rewards for your troll's good behavior. Never let your troll see you holding onto any frustration, or your troll may become aggressive.

*Nods to the Dog Whisperer

:icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz:

Troll Intelligence

Though the troll is a social creature, it is important to realize that your troll can't actually understand much of what you say until after it has been properly socialized. Should you wish to communicate with your troll, start with small words in short sentences or phrases.

Some trolls are unable to understand anything very well even after many patient attempts. Don't feel bad; it's not your fault. Some trolls are born with naturally small brains, and medical science has yet to discover a way to correct this genetic flaw. With any luck, this trait will hopefully fade as the species evolves and adapts, allowing easier communication with future generations of trolls.

:icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz:

Troll Socialization & Training

Before you can train your troll, you must first understand some simple troll psychology. Trolls are easily provoked. Without patience, you may find it impossible to properly socialize your troll.

Begin with soft coos and gentle encouragement. Try telling your troll that you don't want any trouble, that you mean no harm. Don't overwhelm your troll with too many words. Let your troll try to communicate back to you. Indeed, many have discovered through this technique that their troll was not actually a troll. (It should be noted that it's common to mistake a person having a bad day for a troll.) If this is indeed a troll, expect some difficulty, but don't let the troll even smell your annoyance.

Over time, if you remain gentle and firm, you and your troll may come to understand each other. If your troll proves to be docile, you may begin training with your own techniques, following up with positive reinforcement of snack-sized attention, and remembering to avoid feeding your troll any frustration.

With patience, encouragement, and gradual sunshine, you and your troll may be set for a long and satisfying relationship without any fear of your troll attacking your friends or flaming your comments.

:icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontrollfaceplz:

Troll Troubleshooting

If these tips fail to help your relationship with your troll blossom into a beautiful experience, don't fret! Though it may be difficult to accept, there is a humane alternative to dealing with a troll that has become too aggressive for its own good. Before you resort to this method, I hope that you will have tried all the other suggestions above.

Experts seem to agree that the best way to make a troll vanish is to ignore it. Depriving it of all attention and frustration will starve your troll, and it will usually move on in search of a better food source.

If your troll won't leave, report your troll. FAQ #238: How do I report people for abuse, harassment, or another issue I think is a problem? It's best not to provoke your troll by announcing your plans. Just quietly file the report with a link to your troll's aggressive behavior, and the proper authorities will remove your troll from sight. Wash away any residual guilt or frustration with a nice piece of chocolate.


Cyber Bullies: It should be noted that in rare cases a troll may evolve into a cyber bully, which is a species in its own classification with much sharper claws and hideous, jagged teeth. While trolls generally just want to get a rise out of you, cyber bullies can be a serious threat and should always be immediately reported. (See section on troubleshooting.)
Add a Comment:
inapopovici Sep 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
But that's not how you feed me...
That's how you feed Attention-Whores.
For me, you need chocolate bars bigger than my head and cow meat.
KernowekUnity Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Huge amounts of respect to whomsoever wrote this. Certainly made me smile.
blueheron93 Feb 23, 2012  Student Writer
This. This so much. :love:
Are you the Troll Whisperer?
I like trains.
Somebodylost Apr 7, 2011  Student Digital Artist
SummersBlossom Mar 28, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thats a nice guide but I find the intelligence part to be wrong. Trolls can be very intelligent and can point flaws in your argument to annoy you
Soooo troll are ditto ? Can be the most weak pokemon or the most powerfull.... at least pretend to be xD
DB-Evolution Mar 14, 2011  Student Interface Designer
This is just amazing lol!
Add a Comment: